and what a dance it is!

you would think that after the gazillions of years of hormone shifts
i've lived thru, it wouldn't be that big a deal when i actually get it right
and handle the shift with maturity and grace.

ha!

well, it IS a big deal.

cause i usually don't!

but this time around i did!

and i want to document it to help me remember for the next time around.

it's taken me years and years to figure some of this stuff out.

i can think back to some of the more intense moments when i didn't
realize it was hormone related. wow......it woulda helped to put it all together.

i read something along the way that made a lotta sense to me.
it talked about the SUBJECTS that come up when you're hormonal
are important, they're something you need to pay attention to and tend to.
but all the time, not just when it's crazy inside you.

so don't just say 'oh i'm hormonal, i won't pay attention to that.'
instead something like 'ohhhhhhh look what came up! i shiould notice
that and work with that.'

i liked that a lot.
gave me a certain respect for what was goin' on.
it was a way of realizing your body really is workin' with you all the time,
and gives you shouts here and there to pay attention to.

and my gosh, sometimes those shouts are pretty loud shouts, aren't they???

so anyway.....

this time i felt that ol' feeling.....
you know how it is....
you're goin' along fine, and then BAM - outta nowhere -
you get flattened with some emotion.

this one, this time, was sadness.

and i knew it was hormone related.

i could just tell.
how it came on,
what it was about,
the huge reaction.......

didn't make me any less sad.
just made me more aware of what to do with it.
and what NOT to do with it.

wallowing is the worst thing i can do at times like that.
so i avoided all possible wallow times.
actually even got myself up out of a quiet time
and said i had to go be a bit more active.
and went off to be active.

it really helped.

there was an allowing of the sadness......but not a succumbing to it.

doesn't mean i think i should do this all the time.
absolutely not.
sometimes there are times when you gotta go sink in the sadness.

but this wasn't one of 'em.
and i knew it.

with my cycle being pretty crazed these days, with no normal anymore,
i woke up this morning feelin' back to happy and rarin' to go.
but also aware i had some stuff i need to tend to.

part of me likes to think that the funk left so quickly because while i let it be there,
i didn't pay much attention to it.
but most of me believes it left cause my hormones switched yet again.
and they'll be back in bigger force before i know it.

i'm thinkin' i'm entering a pretty big stage of dancing hormones.
and i want to become more and more aware.
and i want to work with myself extra carefully during some of those times.
i really believe our body works with us - if we let it -
and if we listen.
gosh, i'll be so curious what stuff shows up and is being shouted about.
what stuff i still need to tend to.

it really is an amazing thing.

tryin' hard over here to listen to the beat.......
and go with the dance.