the christmas carol lyrics are jumpin' out at me here and there
the one part of that line in whatever carol it is, where they sing so strong and moving -
'fall on your knees.......'
i love that part.
and i was singing that without even any christmas music goin'......
i was just singin' away as i nested and prepared for the holiday.
and i realized something -
the nesting, the preparing, the getting ready all by myself.......
that created some kinda space in me......
and as i did that, i could feel something happening....
it was my way of falling on my knees right then.
somehow, in a way i can't figure out how to type out,
i was aware of the glory of god -
in a way that was knocking me flat...
and i was so honoring it and so in awe of it,
i was falling on my knees.......only it looked like i was busy workin' around my house.
but it sure wasn't what it looked like.
i loved that thought.
it's like when someone told me that i mediated when i walked.
my eyes got big.
oh yeah, they really did think.
and i was tickled.
cause i couldn't do the sit down, cross your legs and meditate kinda thing.
just never could. it's not in me.
but oh yeah, that's right!~ there's all kindsa ways to do things!
i love it when i'm reminded of that.
and as far as falling on your knees,
i really thought there was only one way to do that.
until this moment of mine.
i looked at what had led up to it.
i had been dealing with the darker parts of my holiday season.
we've all got 'em right???
and this time, this year, instead of just tryin' to get thru them,
i tried to face them and work with them.....
and whew. that in itself brought me to my knees.
but in a whole different way.
but i wondered.
i wondered if that hard stuff bringing me to my knees somehow opened me
to be brought to my knees in this different way at this different moment.
i think it had to have had an affect.
because i gave a ton to facing things i didn't want to look at.
i held on tight to believing things i didn't want to lose.
and with all my might i kept the trust.
moments like that have to open spaces inside us.
and here........all by myself, as i nested, and prepared, and sang,
and felt the whirlings inside of me......god popped up.
and i fell on my knees in awe.
only, if you had walked in? you woulda seen something like me spreading
out a table cloth, or putting candles out. no one could tell on the outside.
but man, i sure could tell on the inside.
how cool is that?!