Friday, January 17, 2014


reading a conversation yesterday,
a memory came into my mind.

it had to do with the incredible power that lives inside kindness.
i've blogged about it before.
but it bears repeating.

it was one of those life moments.

i was fairly early into the relationship with my guy.
long enough, but not too long.....
he got very ill and ended up in the hospital.
it was all a mystery. we never did find out what was going on.

but at the time, i honestly didn't know if he was going to pull thru or not.
i really wasn't sure if we'd lose him to some strange illness.
i was scared and worried.

he had two sons, i had three.
bone sighs were in the early stages.
and there i was travelin' to the hospital and back tryin'
to juggle everything and with each drive tryin' to figure out
how to handle each day.

i brought my work with me, because it wasn't like you could take a day off.
you didn't do the work, you didn't make any money. i would do the work while
he slept or had millions of tests done to him.

i was homeschooling at the time. and trying hard to keep that going.
i was tryin' to keep an eye on his kids and work with their mom.

the stress was monumental.
it went on for a few days, but i swear, it felt like years.

i remember one day where something happened to me.
i don't know how.
i don't know why.

i would like to stress that it seemed to come from something besides me.
i didn't really have anything to do with it.
that seems way important to me.

somehow i stepped outta the stress and into kindness.
it was as if i stepped into some kinda cloud.
everywhere i turned, i was kind.
i mean, really kind.
and i would hear myself, and i would wonder where it came from.

not that i can't be kind. but it wasn't exactly my best days.
there was a ton of pressure, and there were more than a few things
i could have been less than kind about.

but when those things surfaced that i would normally want to snap about,
something happened. and this compassionate kindness would come out of me.

not towards him. i never felt snappy towards him. that's not what i mean.
but other people pushing too hard against me, or making things tougher than
they needed to be. that kinda thing.

the finale for me was when i was leaving that nite. i really wanted to get home.
so much to do, check on all the boys. get ready for the next day. you name it,
i needed to do it.

on my way out, i passed a super stressed young mom with her
baby. her baby had a tiny tiny thread around his finger and it was
cutting off his circulation. and she couldn't get it off without hurting him.
she was distraught and headed to the emergency room.

i saw her stress and stopped to help her.
i knew she needed someone with her.
i didn't hesitate.
i stayed with her in the emergency room until she was seen by a doctor.
i pushed to get her seen faster. and i hung nearby her and reassured her.
when she went in for help, i left.

as i headed home, it was like i was in some kinda light.
it was something that totally amazed me.
and that day, that moment, i had an understanding of kindness that i've never
experienced before or since.

i understood that kindness was a force all in itself.
i understood that kindness was holiness.
and i understood it was life altering to live in it.

unfortunately, life got back to normal, and so did i.
yes i'm still kind. but it's different. it's not like i step into it like it's a cloud around me.
it's not like it is beyond me and coming from somewhere else.

and when i saw the conversation about kindness, i remembered that.
i wanted to write about it again.
i wanted to jog my memory and yours.

because i believe we don't know enough about real kindness.
i believe it's a mystery that we need to touch and taste more of.
i believe it's so much deeper than we realize.
i believe we touch the surfaces of it and think that's it.

and i believe we need to pay more attention to it.

i made this card after that. it's an odd card. i mean, seriously, who do you send
this to? but i had to make it. because i was so overwhelmed with it all. i'm pulling
it out today and setting it in front of me. i want to remember. and i want to learn
all over again....


Diane in AR said...

I love the telling and the result and the reminder. . .seemed like that night stress cut into you, but you bled out kindness - it was right there below your surface and what a holy way to respond. . .we DO need to dive deep into kindness - and the beautiful card. . .we could send it to ourselves. . .

terri st. cloud said...

thanks, diane.....