reacting

i've been watching different scenarios where 'entitlement' seems to come into play.

where someone has hardships that are really truly hard,
and yeah, rank really high up there on the scale of challenges,
and they forget themselves,
or.....actually.........maybe that's the problem......
they can't forget themselves.
they can't get out of themselves.
and their entire world revolves around them and their hardships.
and they fall into the pit of entitlement.
and somehow they figure they have the right to mistreat people.

we've all done it.
it's incredibly human.
and it totally sucks to be around.

i've been watching this with different people, different moments.
some leaving quickly, some sticking around persistently.

and i saw something happening to me in reaction to one of the lingering
entitlement moods that was being aimed at me....
and i found it really interesting.

i've tried everything i can to keep the waters calm,
to soothe things down, to avoid what i can, and to just try to
make it all okay.

sensing that an outburst was right around the corner,
i thought about it all a bit.......
and i found someone inside me......
yep.
i did.
somewhere inside me there has been a kid who is trying
hard not to get into trouble.

yeah.
it was really cool to see.
and i got to thinking about that.
and i got to thinking about how i wasn't a kid.
and there wasn't any trouble here for me to get into.
and how i was an adult with my own life and my own choices
and i wasn't someone else's anything.
and i didn't deserve what i had been getting.

and i smiled.
and i realized what that meant.

it was time to make that 'trouble.'
it was time to say stop.
it was time to call them on it.

well..........it's not time yet.
it is time the next time i'm mistreated.

and i will.
i'll call them on it.
and say stop.

and as i thought about this, i knew i would.
i knew it would be uncomfortable, but also feel very very right.

and i realized how their behavior towards me gives me the chance
to treat myself right.

should i say that again?
slowly?

their behavior towards me gives me the chance to treat myself right.

always.

and what a wonderful non-victim, non-kid realization to have.

now watch.
i'm all set to go and do this.
and she'll settle in and be a grateful angel to me.
grin.

and you know what? i can't lose either way.

we always have the power to create how we're treated.
i need to remember that.

and while i always want to keep the child like wonder,
i don't ever need to keep the child like cowering.

and always always i gotta remember to step outta the entitlement phase
the moment i realize i've wandered into it!