Friday, February 14, 2014

holiday thoughts

oh valentine my valentine,
is the grass always greener on the other side of the hearts?

i've certainly felt it was at different times in my life.
many different times.

ever experience any of these? ---

you're single sally.
it's valentine's day.
you absolutely know without a shadow of a doubt that valentine's day
is wonderful for partnered patty over there because she has someone to love.
you roll your eyes at her having wonderful valentine's day plans.
of course she does. she has it so good.
she'll prolly go to that really cool new place to eat.
she has a partner.
you lean back and dream of what the perfect partner would do for you
and hope that next valentine's day will bring you that.
you'll be happy then.


you're partnered patty.
unfortunately, you and your partner aren't doin' so good.
he's about as romantic as a frog these days and sometimes
doesn't even remember it's valentine's day. so you make dinner
plans for the both of you at that new place,
all the while wishing he cared enough to do something special for you.
you envy single sally.
she doesn't have to deal with this hurt like you do.
you'd be happy if he'd just wake up and see what this means to you.
you'll be happy when he wakes up.


you're in-between betty.
thinking valentine's day isn't all it's cracked up to be.
you know single sally and partnered patty are both having more
fun than you are. you want more like they have.
wishing for more, knowing that if it was more you'd be happy then.

it's kinda funny when i type it up.
i smile thinking of it all.
and yet, it's not so funny when you're feelin' it....

it's not just valentine's day -
it's holidays.
it's life.
we fall into the land of expectations and disappointments -
and the grass is greener thing.
if it could just go this certain way, we'd be happy then.
if we just had it like so and so, we'd be happy then.

anyone there right now?

what a great thing to notice in ourselves!
what a great thing for us to look at and see if that's running thru our thought processes.
because if we can see it, we can change it.
and let's face it, we all do this stuff at times.
it's part of being human.

but the other part is we can catch it and change it!

are we thinking everyone else has it perfect or just right,
and we don't.....but when we do......well then it'll be okay?

we know that's not how it works.
we're well aware that the grass isn't REALLY greener on the other side -
and yet we go there anyway.
we don't even realize we fall into it.
(which is why it's so exciting to find out again!)

no one has it perfect.
no one has it just right.

no one.

and that in itself is kinda cool.

the people who can stop and enjoy seem to be the people
who are willing to be present with what they have and are willing
to work with what they have. they aren't lookin' at anyone else's grass.
they may be planting more grass seed, or mowing the lawn, but whatever
they're doin', they're lookin' in their own yard.

if you can catch the greener grass thing  in yourself, see it, be honest about it,
and turn to change it.......think of what an incredible valentine celebration
that would be! you would have just caught yourself goin' somewhere that
doesn't do you any good, and redirected your gaze.
that's empowerment for sure. and something to celebrate.

and if you're in a spot where you can see it and yet, you just
don't have the strength to change it - maybe you could offer yourself
compassion for where you're at. and trust yourself to be where you
need to be right now. what a beautifully quiet way to celebrate
valentine's day! talk about self love and trust.

and if you're not in this spot right now. but you know you have been
and you know you can be again, celebrate your crazy human self and
rejoice that you're in a steady part of the cycles of life right now.

it starts with self love.
it has to.
and the acceptance of being human.

and then once we hang out in that a bit, we can move on to accepting life
around us. accepting our life as it is and enjoying the moments.

when we're stuck in false perceptions of the perfection of those around us,
we are just that - stuck.


holidays egg that stuff on.
but maybe we can start to change that.
and start to open our hearts more and more in a real celebration of valentine's day -
in a real celebration of our lives.

maybe we can start with some self love today.
and then move on from there.
maybe we can spread some love in our lives around us.
not with the idea of getting but with the idea of giving.

that line right there?
the one about not getting but giving?
it's almost too easy to skip over that thought.
we've heard it so many times.
but that thought in itself is so darn powerful.
and so important as we think about this day of love.

there's so much to this day. it's such a great chance for us to look and see
what needs tending to, what needs holding in ourselves, and what needs loving
in our lives.

i'm toasting your heart today.
and toasting mine.
i'm toasting this moment that is ours.
and i'm toasting the beauty that we all bring to this planet.

and i'm toasting love.
love of every shape and form.
what an incredible force to sit back and honor today.

happy valentine's day!


margy said...

Thank you again Terri - you and your insights and words are such a Blessing in my life. Just last night I got caught up in that grass looking greener in someone else's pasture. Along with the envy though came those other monsters of guilt, shame,self-hate . . . not the way to end the day and go to sleep. So thank you again for your wonderful wake up thoughts - helped much! Today is also my son's birthday - so Happy Valentines Day to Will and you and the world!

terri st. cloud said...

margy! it's so awesome you could see it! i honestly think that rocks. good for you! and no, the whole shame and guilt and other monsters can be so tiresome. did you see cheryl's book i've mentioned here about shame? we'll be featuring her in march so you'll see her might like her book! it's helping me with those very same monsters! happy birthday to your son~! and happy valentine's day to you both!

Diane in AR said...

such a good, good blog today - you touched all the hearts out there. . .best of all your suggestion to start with self love and let it spread. . .

Happy Valentine's Day Ter !!

terri st. cloud said...

happy valentine's day, my friend....