colors

this has not been my favorite winter.
it's had some great moments. it has.
but my goodness, it's had some moments that have totally knocked me on my rear end.

i get up, maybe take some vitamins, maybe paint my kitchen floor,
maybe go stand out in the sun in total desperation praying to the sun gods
to zap me with some good feelin' stuff.

but it was today because of several happenings,
i could feel something turning inside.
really turning me.
in a direction with a view that i've missed.

they were good happenings.
altho not all easy.
but they reminded me of a few things i needed remembering.
and they showed me colors i hadn't seen in awhile.

'connecting' was a theme in each of these happenings today.

connecting/connection

i cannot survive without it.
and sometimes it's so darn hard to come by.
the real stuff.
you can come by the shallow stuff way easy.
but the real stuff can be elusive at times.

who we are is such a gift.
the offering of our real selves is nothing short of holy.

a friend asked me the other day how i would define 'grace.'
i was actually standing up getting ready to leave the room when
i saw the note. i typed something quickly off the top of my head
because i knew i didn't have any definition that would capture it.

there was something in there tho that i remember as i type this blog,
the definition included when we totally get out of our own way...
there was more...
there was stuff about touching god and the flow and all that poetic kinda stuff....

but the getting out of our own way is what i remember right now.

i think what today reminded me of most was that sometimes things
are really hard to come by because we get in our own way. and i think
today i made an effort to get out of my way. and that in itself turned
something inside of me.

and yeah, the thing about who we are is such a gift? it's not one sided by any means.
i also got reminded that those around us offering themselves to us is a huge gift as well,
and one that must not be taken for granted.

and somewhere in there, somehow that i don't have words for - i'm pretty sure
that that very give and take - that flow between people being open and loving -
that connecting and connection -
that there is grace in that...and a lotta other poetic kinda stuff.
and colors.
there's some pretty awesome colors in all of that.
and today i saw them again.