international women's day

i was driving and thinking about international women's day.
i saw a couple posts on it today, getting us all geared up.
and as i drove i thought about being a woman.

'i don't even know how to be a woman.' i thought.

'okay, terri. what does that mean?' i asked myself.

and i thought of all the things i picked up/learned about being a woman
that were false and how it's taking me a long long time to sift thru them
and some of that stuff i wonder if i'll ever set down.

i thought of how interesting it was to be empathetic and intuitive and
understand what people need and at the same time balance offering
and enabling.

it's taken me a lotta years to even see there's a difference.

i thought of all my body image struggles and i remembered many of
the comments from boys/men that have fed into those struggles along
with the insecurity of other women who were having their own body issues.

i thought of all my floundering attempts at love.

and then i got to wondering was it being a woman or being human?

i have no idea, since i'm not a guy.
so i went back to thinking about being a woman.

'so what does it mean to be a woman?' i asked myself.

'if someone asked you right now, terri, what would you say?'

and right exactly at that moment i turned into my driveway.
and i kid you not, it was sunset and at that very moment
when i made that turn, it was as if i was turning into the most
glorious sky you'd ever want to see.

it was on fire.

it was gloriously majestically on fire.

'THAT'S what being a woman is!' i said out loud to myself in the car.

and i sat there and soaked in the sky.

living that fire, exuding that glow, being that vast and open -
that's a woman at her best.

that's who i want to be.

having come nowhere close to that lately,
i also knew that part of the glow had to hold compassion for
the aches and pains and bumps of the journey and the times the
fire was down to mere embers......

maybe it's not always seen, but it is always there.
and just knowing that made me feel good.

to all my sisters of the fire -
i wish you a happy international women's day.