Friday, May 23, 2014

my world now....

the other day this quote popped up as the quote of the day that gets emailed out.
so there in my mailbox i read -

two worlds

she wasn't them.
she couldn't be.
was she going to claim herself as herself
or forever be half way between worlds?

when i read it, i smiled.
i mean, really smiled.
because i had written this years ago.
and that morning, reading it, i knew that i had finally claimed myself
and was living in one world - MY world.

there were many many days i wondered if i would ever make it here.
and sitting there reading that quote, i knew i had.

the timing was interesting.
as just because i am now in my world,
doesn't mean i still don't have patches of self doubt.

and i had kinda wandered into one of those patches.
i knew it.
but had no idea how to wander out.
i decided to be patient and watch.

as it turns out,
it was an interesting combination of touching different worlds,
and of hearing my heart that brought me back to self awareness.
brought me out of self doubt.

and then i got an email from a woman who's traveling a somewhat similar path.
lots of differences yes, but many similarities. and she actually mentioned the
'two worlds' quote!
as i read her note, the journey of the early days came flooding back to my thoughts.

i actually got excited to write back,
because i felt like i was living proof to her that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
that she can and will find her one world, and when she does, it's the most amazing find ever.

as i typed out a reply to her, i realized how far the journey had taken me.
i thought of all those struggles, all that uncertainty and all that effort -
and i realized that somehow, without me even knowing how,
i left the two worlds behind and claimed the one.

and i learned how to trust.
at least a lotta the times.
like when i'm back in a puddle of self doubt -
to be able to trust that it'll work itself out, and i'll find my way back -

that's a pretty awesome lesson to have gained.

and i know darn well it's been gained thru this journey of mine.

i wouldn't have traded it for anything.
and what feels equally as wonderful, it turns out i wouldn't trade me either.

kinda awesome cool.
it kinda takes my breath away this morning.....

(you can find 'two worlds'  here)


Beth Lewis said...

terri ~ so looking forward to the day when I'm fully in "my" world, but trying to enjoy the journey of being where I am now. Thanks for all of your encouragement! I so appreciate it!

terri st. cloud said...

smiling beth.....smiling!