a quiet time

this was my 'status' on facebook this morning -

ever just feel like you had to go way down deep? you had no choice. you just went? and then once there, you wanted to stay awhile. knowing there's treasure there that isn't anywhere else? and then you felt all wrapped up in it like a chrysalis? and you knew things were happening but you didn't really know what? but you knew you certainly didn't want to stop the process, and you didn't want to rush the process? you just wanted to be exactly where you were? every feel that? i got that goin' on so big time it's amazing me. i've gone from blue, to deeply sad, to longing, to searching, to finding, to being inspired, to hearing, to listening for more, and to being curious and intrigued......and to trusting....to trusting....to trusting.......

this feels like a pretty good summary.
my focus is crazy.
sometimes intense, sometimes not there at all.
sometimes exactly where i want it to be,
sometimes exactly where i don't want it to be.

and i feel like i'm changing again.

i did something big.
well, some may laugh.
and think it's not that big.

but for me, it was really big.

i said out loud 'i'm a writer.'
i claimed it.
held it.
owned it.

first time ever.

a friend called to congratulate me.
i teared up.
i knew she knew how big it was.

i haven't come up from the deep yet.
i'm still swimming down in here.
and i'm okay with that.
mostly.
mostly.

mostly i'm trusting and watching and wondering.