thinking of men...

men.
what a subject.
and one i won't even try to tackle.
and they think women are complicated!

i just want to share a moment where i had to wrestle with my need to have a target
for blame and anger. and i took it out on every man who ever existed. and where
that got me...

thru my work, i talk to a whole lotta women who've been sexually abused.
it's gotten to be so much that i have had to limit how much i expose myself
to that issue outside of my work. it's a topic that can eat me alive.

i saw that over a year ago.
in a random conversation i had with the check-out woman at the grocery store.
she shared a story of abuse of her retarded daughter.
it brought out so much anger and awfulness inside of me.

i vividly remember walking out of the store thinking 'i hate men.'

honestly.
that was my first thought.
and i meant it.

that's coming from a mom of the three most beautiful men in the world.
that's coming from an engaged woman who has the most incredible fiance
any woman could wish for.

so.
of course.
right after that thought i stopped myself.
and thought of these men.
and many more.

i am honored to know some really spectacular men.
and i had to stop myself and bring them into my mind.

i was a bit stunned at my blanket hatred of half the race.
and a bit alarmed.

now, it was momentary.
i realized what was going on one second after i thought it.
but still.......i thought it.

for my out of control feelings, i wanted to paint the world black and white.
i wanted to make it easier to understand.

it only took a second to figure out that didn't work.

and yet that whole black and white thinking happens all over the place.
all the time.

watch a few father's day commercials and you'll see it.
what's portrayed?
if you're a dad, hands down, you're a good guy.

wouldn't it be cool if we could paint life the way it really was?
that some people never should have become dads - like for real.
that some became better people and grew as they grew in their fatherhood,
and some people rocked it from the start.

and that being a parent is so incredibly difficult and demands much more from a person
than they realized they were ever getting into....and it's a huge mix how all that
will play out.

and that on father's day, not all dad's should be celebrated, but the ones who should be
really should be. that the ones who do their best, lose sleep with caring, get out of
their comfort zones and grow and become more, influence their kids in amazing ways,
or not, stumble and mess up and get up again........

those dads are men we can all look to and celebrate.
those are some of the men that stopped me from feeling hatred that day as i walked
out of the grocery store. those men anchored me in a moment i needed an anchor.

those men remind me of the glory of being human.
and the magnificence of a strong loving man.
and it's  to those men that i want to remind that they matter more than they know.

and it's those men i want to thank and celebrate.

the world's a messy difficult place.
thank goodness we've got some real gems in the mix.
toasting all the gems i have the pleasure of knowing, and all the ones out there
i don't know. we're celebrating you!