what ifs......

i posted our bone sigh arts quote of the day up on facebook this morning -

it's called 'wrong' and goes like this -

'they were wrong - she was okay just the way she was.'

(you can find it here.)

it got a few comments of it hitting people in a good way,
but then one comment came thru that got me really thinking.
she asked what if they aren't wrong?

what a great, real, raw, honest question.

i'm in the process of moving my studio to another room.
it's a lotta walkin' back and forth across the house.
so back and forth i went.
back and forth.
back and forth.
thinking about that question.

my first instinct was i wanted to hug this woman.
i know what it feels like to wonder that.
and it's not a good feeling.

and then i started thinking about it being a choice.
we really have to choose whether we're gonna believe it or not, don't we?

and then - and yeah, i can't believe this wasn't my first  immediate thought -
i realized that in a different place, with a different angle, but with that very
same deep fear, i was standing right where this woman was.

and i just stopped.
wow.

that's the thing about living - there's so many different slants, flavors, colors,
experiences, that things that are so similar can hide.

i think i pretty much have the belief that 'they were wrong' in my heart.
i think it's just been time and work and well, i think it's mostly there. mostly.
and yet......i think shades of that doubt show up more often than i realize.

and i've been haunted for days now with a really strong shade of it all.

in struggling with this last nite, i had a talk with someone i trust most in the world,
and  i was reminded that it was my choice what i believed.
it was my choice what i wanted.
and it was my choice what i worked toward.

that same voice that this woman had who made that comment was poppin' up in my head
as i was being reminded of all this last nite.
i bet ya anything it was the very same voice.
'but what if......'
i kept hearing that in my own head in response to the 'it's my choice.'

and yet at the same time, something inside me knew that it was true -
it was up to me what i believed, what i acted on.
and that these 'what if's' i'd been wrestling with for days were doin' nothing but harming me.

this morning i got up concentrating on the what ifs that i wanted to be true.
i got up choosing to believe what made me stronger.

i won't do it every day. i won't do it every moment.
but i will get stronger and stronger with it.
and that will help me do it more and more.
and i'm thinking that we can all create the really wonderful 'what if's' if we choose to -

what if i really am enough.
what if i really am beautiful just like i am.
what if i really am worthy.
what if i really can be loved.
what if i really can live the life i want.

which brings me all back to this thought -

they were wrong - she was okay just the way she was.