happy fourth!

you wouldn't think it'd be that hard to see the fireworks for the fourth of july.
but for awhile now, i've had trouble REALLY seeing them.
i like to be right under them, and feel that BOOM inside me and just get
lost in them. and well.....i haven't had that in a long time.

this year i decided to try early and if they fell thru, then i could try again.
so we aimed for a ballgame and some fireworks last nite.

i thought for sure it was all gonna get rained out.
it rained as we drove to the game.
the clouds were ominous.
but the game happened.
and then just as it ended and it was time for the fireworks -
the raindrops began.
just little ones.
but i thought 'oh nooooooo it couldn't be.........'

and thankfully, the fireworks happened and the rain just
splashed down a tiny bit as the BOOMS kept goin'.
it was actually kinda perfect to have those little drops
splashing my face.

and there right above me, with the sounds shaking my insides,
color and stars and light and energy whizzed all over the sky.

there was a new kind this year that i had never seen before -
a kind that actually turned into stars.
i mean, they really really looked like stars.
all over the darn place.
stars.
stars.
and more stars.

i thought of the stars inside me and how i wanted to remember
all that i was seeing was happening inside of me too with my own
personal stars whizzing about.
i saw how brilliant light is and how i need to keep light alive inside of me.
i laughed, i clapped, i slapped people around me when i was really
excited, and i gasped. i gasped. and gasped. and gasped.
i was holding someone who had passed away in my heart.
it was her birthday that same day.
and there, towards the end, was this huge bouquet of fireworks -
and mixed in the bunch were yellow bursts that were her.
if there could be any firework that symbolized her,
they were right there above me zinging me with their beauty.
i cried a little, filled up a whole lot, and felt like i had just
been showered with something magnificent.

too overwhelmed to speak, i let the rest of the gang chat as
we went back to the car. i just looked at the smoke filled sky
and felt my whole body vibrating with the beauty of what i had
just seen.

i had forgotten just HOW MUCH i like fireworks.
and how much i need reminders like that.
reminders of beauty, light, energy, and yeah......i gotta say......even god.

i'm not sure how many people watch fireworks and feel like they
just had a holy experience. but i'm pretty glad for this feeling.
i'm still carrying it around inside of me.

and wishin' everyone a star filled fourth......