i woke up a bit 'off'' -
and proceeded to roll in an off center kinda way.
complete with kicking myself.
REALLY kicking myself.
big time - you shouldn't do it terri - kicking myself.
i knew i shouldn't.
but it was so darn there.
so darn natural to me.
i remembered the thing about emotions tryin' to tell you something -
so i listened -
and engaged in quite an animated conversation with myself.
i was filling a few orders so had to move about a bit,
and in the process i did quite a bit of talking to myself,
and even a little arm waving - definitely some fast walking here and there.
i knew some pretty huge regrets i have where grabbing the
opportunity to hop on board and shake me even more.
self doubts popped on in to add to the circus train.
chugga chugga chugga....on and on it went.....
all the stuff i had been reading about my personality went thru my head.
they coulda wrote this scene i was living and slipped it right in the book.
but knowing that really didn't do me any good.
and i had no idea what would help.
and then someone i love called.
someone i love to laugh with.
he called and we laughed.
i didn't go anywhere near my stuff.
i wanted to just put it down for a bit.
i wanted to feel light.
and i wanted to laugh.
and we did.
i love the sound of our laughter together.
it's one of my favorite sounds.
and maybe the shaking with delight jostled the gunk.
maybe it did.
because when i hung up, i could remember the stuff i read -
and i was reminded that i am more than my feelings and my feelings don't need to define me.
they can guide me.
they can talk to me.
they can teach me things.
but i'm more than them.
and i learn.
and the past regrets are just that - past regrets.
and that i have the power to create my life now.
and that kicking myself is an old habit.
so i stopped.
laughter really is medicine, isn't it?
it came just when i needed it.
think i'll go find a little more.....