Wednesday, July 9, 2014

tryin' yet again...

thankfully, i don't have them very often,
but for some reason, i had 'one of those nites' last nite.
oh gosh, you know the ones -
where self doubt comes and snuggles right on in with you.
and no matter how much you toss and turn, she just hangs on and torments you.


so i woke up heavy.
oh so heavy.

and i have been anything but a barrel of fun.

so i sat myself down and said 'okay, what the heck you gonna do now, girl?'

and for some unknown reason i got the idea to dive deeper into my authenticity.

i have loved the word 'authentic' for a long time now.
altho, it's gotten tarnished a bit as it's overused by a whole lot of inauthentic people.
that's a bit of a turn off.
but when i see the real deal - someone just truly offering who they are because
that's what they have to offer - i love that. and i feel like that's really what we all need to be doing.

the self doubts i had covered all parts of my life - business and personal.
and the whole being authentic seems to work everywhere i aim it.

i like to think i mostly am.
i mean, that's not a new concept for me and one i've been working on.

but you know how it goes,
there's a million gazillion layers.
and we can always be traveling deeper.

i think that's what i'm being called to do right now.
or at least, it feels like an answer to my self doubting.

so i'm gonna go for it.
not sure what all that means.
just know it's on my mind, in my heart, and i'm ready to step into it all even more.

offering who we are.
over and over and over again.
for no other reason but to open our hearts.
it's no easy task, is it?
but i honestly don't think there's any other option.
and i notice as i focus on this, the self doubts do seem to be slipping away.
go figure.


margy said...

Do you read minds and souls or something???? You are the first thing I read every morning as I start my day.
Last night I had a particularly difficult time at a job for a relative - getting in the middle of protection of her and very badly it turned out, trying to fix a problem with an employee of hers for her. I came home feeling very inept at person-hood for not controlling my emotions and not fixing the problem and not being perfect.
I woke up knowing that for me, I need to start fixing things to start leaving and let her just be my sister and not being my employer. My behavior ended up being a start for her to really fix the other employee problem. But I woke up still thinking I was defective for not being able to handle the family - employee thing.
But your post this morning helped me remember that honoring myself and "tryin' yet again" to allow myself to be authentic is of major importance in my life.
Sorry for the rambling - thru it all I'm just trying to say that you and your thoughts and your being authentic matter ALOT to my life and I thank you beyond measure.

terri st. cloud said...

margy, there is NO WAY that's a ramble. that's gold to me. i'm not always sure the blog is a good thing, so when you write a note like that - well, it's gold to me. thank you! and! it sounds like you're making some good decisions. it makes me think of something i'd prolly make a good blog. stay tuned....and good luck with it all!

margy said...

Please don;t ever stop your blogs - they're "gold" to me!

terri st. cloud said...

margy....could you have made my day any brighter? thank you, lady!

Diane in AR said...

Love the blog and also the conversation here between you and margy - all so true - our authenticity - which we need to live and do and be over and over and over. . .and the fact that Terri's blog posts are gold - so true. . .thanks ladies. . .going to peel back the layers and be authentic. . .