tryin' yet again...

thankfully, i don't have them very often,
but for some reason, i had 'one of those nites' last nite.
oh gosh, you know the ones -
where self doubt comes and snuggles right on in with you.
and no matter how much you toss and turn, she just hangs on and torments you.

sigh.

so i woke up heavy.
gosh.
oh so heavy.

and i have been anything but a barrel of fun.

so i sat myself down and said 'okay, what the heck you gonna do now, girl?'

and for some unknown reason i got the idea to dive deeper into my authenticity.

i have loved the word 'authentic' for a long time now.
altho, it's gotten tarnished a bit as it's overused by a whole lot of inauthentic people.
that's a bit of a turn off.
but when i see the real deal - someone just truly offering who they are because
that's what they have to offer - i love that. and i feel like that's really what we all need to be doing.

the self doubts i had covered all parts of my life - business and personal.
and the whole being authentic seems to work everywhere i aim it.

i like to think i mostly am.
i mean, that's not a new concept for me and one i've been working on.

but you know how it goes,
there's a million gazillion layers.
and we can always be traveling deeper.

i think that's what i'm being called to do right now.
or at least, it feels like an answer to my self doubting.

so i'm gonna go for it.
not sure what all that means.
just know it's on my mind, in my heart, and i'm ready to step into it all even more.

offering who we are.
over and over and over again.
for no other reason but to open our hearts.
wow.
it's no easy task, is it?
but i honestly don't think there's any other option.
and i notice as i focus on this, the self doubts do seem to be slipping away.
go figure.