Wednesday, August 6, 2014

food for thought

this will be an odd post.
i'm gonna share a vid here that is pretty heavy.

it's one of the manson girls talking of her 'life after manson.'

i saw it on facebook.
i thought it was worth sharing as i felt there was a ton of food for thought in it.
but also knew that it would strike up some raw feelings.
but felt that too was part of the reason to share...

when something is that raw and awful, can we find any good in it?

when our feelings of outrage or horror are stirred, what can we do with that?

what are our feelings of justice and what does that mean to us?
have we ever looked at our thought process there and questioned it or tweaked it?

how much is a reaction to fear?
is that valid?

can we forgive?
do we want to?

if we don't want to, do we feel there are  limits to forgiveness?
do we know them?

are there limits to forgiving ourselves?
are we our worst punishers?

i talk of gold in the darkness.
sitting on death row at 23 seems pretty dark.
did she indeed find some gold?
does it matter if one person finds gold after killing many others?
do we care?
does it matter what the gold is?

can we believe what she says?
can we learn from her?
do we just close the door?
do we think she's inhuman - not like us.
or do we think we all have her inside us?

to bring ourselves out of our comfort zones and think about this stuff.
to try to look at what we can do to ourselves for what we believe is love.

even just those questions/ponderings made the vid worth it to me.
my unease in it all, made the vid worth it to me.
my not knowing my own answers to a lotta these questions made it worth it to me.

who am i?
who do i want to be?
that's what i walked away with.
and i'm not sure i could just answer that right off now.
whereas before the vid, i think i could have.
how interesting is that?!
i'll be mulling all day......

here's the vid if you feel like watching.


Anastacia said...

I'm like Anne Frank... deep inside, I believe people are good.

I *want* to believe that she was screwed up by her parents and therefore particularly susceptible to Manson and what he "offered" and required. And I *want* to believe that in the 45 years she's been paying for her crimes, she's found herself and the grace in personal responsibility.

But there are tons of studies about how people don't redeem themselves in prison, so I went looking for more info about her.

I learned that "she has maintained a perfect prison record, and received a Bachelor's degree in Human Services from the University of La Verne. She is active with prison programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous and along with these involvements, she has also taught illiterate prisoners how to read. Reportedly, Krenwinkel writes both poetry and music, plays the guitar, plays on a prison volleyball team and gives dance lessons."

It sure sounds like she's found herself and become who she was meant to become.

Maybe she never would have without exactly the life and choices she had/made that led to her being convicted of the murders. And maybe she's meant to be where she is because that's how and where she's supposed to make a difference. God/the Universe certainly works mysteriously, as we well know.

Can I forgive her? She's not mine to judge or forgive. I think she's paid for her crimes. And it seems like she's forgiven herself--which is the hardest thing.

Big love to you, dear one...

terri st. cloud said...

and THAT is why i love you, ms. a. that is why........

diane in ar said...

I truly love Anastacia's remarks - I echo them. . .

Merry ME said...

I agree with Diane … Anastacia put it in words way better than I could have.