Tuesday, August 12, 2014

the sad news...

when i first saw the 'RIP Robin Williams' on facebook, i gasped.
i was stunned and saddened in a second.
i immediately clicked over to the news to find out what happened.
it never ever occurred to me that it was suicide.
and when i read that, i just slumped in my chair and let the tears roll on down.

losing him at such a young age is sad enough.
but losing him to his own pain just rips deep inside.

i have never had severe depression.
i've been depressed, and i've known some dark moments.
i've touched this stuff enough to imagine what it's like to be battling
the darkness for a long period of time.
i've touched it enough so that i can feel such gratitude that i haven't ever
experienced this, and yet can feel such compassion for those who have.

i get so sad when i picture the darkness he went thru.
when i picture the darkness so many go thru before they just can't take it anymore.

ah, how i just so wish i could take that pain away.

i am hoping this brings depression more to light.
makes suicide a topic we are all talking about.
and helps us to keep in mind that we are each other's candles.
we can try to offer light into the darkness.
it matters.

and when one light goes out,
it makes such a difference to us all.

rest in peace, robin williams.
and every single one of you who has gone before him because of your own battles in the dark.
you are missed.


margy said...

Terri, thanks for your thoughts on Robin's passing and suicide and the darkness within that depression creates. Been doing a lot of reading of different blogs this morning and brings back a lot of feelings and emotions from my husband's suicide so many years ago.I guess I'll always feel some guilt for not being able to keep his candle lit for him, but so many of your words over the time I have "known" you have helped me understand that the gift I can give is just to make my own flame stronger to help give light where it can be helpful. Thanks.

terri st. cloud said...

ah, margy. thank you so much for posting. i know that guilt is tremendously heavy.
i actually thought hard about how i worded being the light. 'we can try' is what i typed in there. because sometimes it doesn't matter how hard we try, we can't do it. but i think if we try we can at least remember that and hold it when the guilt starts to creep in.....sending you love always, missy!

Diane in AR said...

Oh Margy - thank you for sharing. . .I think those who commit suicide really do not understand how those they leave behind will forever wish they could have done something. . .the two friends I have lost to suicide still are in a wounded part of my heart. . .the part where "if only" resides. Terri's words help in so many ways - thanking God for the strong light that she is. . .

terri st. cloud said...

it's an incredibly difficult pain, isn't it? that 'what if i had done more' doubt. and no, i don't think they could possibly know. because they have lost how much they mean to those around them. dark stuff for sure. thanking god we all have each other to talk about this stuff with! thanks, diane.