reaching for the soap

wow,,,,,,what a crammed full few days it's been!
lots of festivities.
lots of food.
lots of goofin'.

moments that seem to be walking me up to the edge for new years -
moments encouraging me to dive into a few new things,
to explore some more inner territory, and to see where i can travel.

i feel like i'm looking at new years a little differently this time around.
i've got all the usual exercising - eating right - writing more - things on my list,
but there's a deeper thing goin' on with me.

an understanding that it's each moment that i have to step into.
an understanding that it's up to me what i bring to my days.
it's up to me how much i dive into my own realness
and how much i offer that.

i listen to my sons speak of the traveling they want to do,
and i feel old.
because for me now, this year, i want to travel more on the inside.
there's so many places inside me i want to explore.
i think that is definitely an age thing.
and i'm okay with that.

this morning i decided to take a candlelight shower.
i had just finished a little exercise, my mood alive and awake.
i put some music on, lit the candles and showered.
at one point, i reached my arm out for the soap
and saw the water droplets all along my arm in the candlelight -
i filled with a feeling -
something like an understanding of the holiness of living.
just right there, for a momnet, reaching for the soap - i had a glimpse of the holy.

that's what i want to explore this year -
the reaching for the soap holy moments.