my persistent inner self

it was over a week of bad dream after bad dream.
some downright nasty nightmares mixed into the bad dream stream.
i honestly was thinking that sleep wasn't sounding so good anymore.

and it was driving me particularly crazy because i had told myself
i wanted to work with my dreams more.

so here i was, being flooded with dreams and i was havin' a hard time
remembering most of them, and the ones i did remember i couldn't
get meaning out of. and all of them felt wearisome.

and then.....i got a chance to just have a slow day.
and as i sat by my fire, drinking tea and just trying to understand
some of the feelings inside myself,
i had an aha moment.
a moment where i could name a feeling that i have a lot,
that i didn't have a name for before.
the names i used before weren't quite right,
and this new name seemed to truly fit.
and interestingly enough, the word to describe this feeling
had been thrown around a lot by myself lately without me even
realizing the connection. how thick headed can i possibly be?

i could see how this feeling was pushing me right now.

and i was so excited to have a name for it,
an understanding it was there,
and a partial seeing of how it was affecting my life.

suddenly some of my dreams that i could remember were making sense.

talk about a desperate attempt from my insides getting me to see something.

wow.
i sipped, looked at the fire,
and nodded, telling myself 'ahhh i'm starting to see.'

and guess what?!
last nite, for the first time in over a week,
i had a really pleasant nite's sleep.

my gosh, if there is a wise woman inside me tryin' to communicate,
she's just gotta get so frustrated sometimes.
but i'm smilin' at her now and very grateful for the persistence
my inner self offers me!