back in the game........

oh this darn open heart stuff.
sometimes i get so tired of it.
it can hurt, ya know?
and sometimes the blow from those hurts just knocks me over.
and when it's more than one blow in a row,
i tend to just wanna quit.

so that happened.
and so i found a safe place.
and crawled in and curled up.
and said i wanted to quit.
stated it out loud.
cause sometimes you have to.

and then i got quiet and watched.
and saw.
i saw what i took as reminders of why i want to open in the first place.

i saw places where i had doubted love had touched show up and say 'yeah, it did touch here.'

i saw places that said 'this is what you want - you want to feel
because it truly is living fully. you want to feel it all.
and living open does that.'

...and living fully hurts.

it just does.

and i took all that and held it.
and when i hit the next moment that i wanted to hide,
i didn't.
i stepped inside that moment and said 'i'm here.'
and it turned into a healing moment.

and then i surrounded myself with the ones i trust and love most.
and remembered - terri...it's worth it.

sometimes i think people think it's easy for me.
that i just do it.
oh no. that couldn't be further from the truth.
so i thought i would post this for anyone else wanting to quit.

let's not quit.
let's just take breaks here and there when it hurts.
but let's keep at it.
even tho it's hard.
cause......it really is the only way, isn't it?