Friday, May 1, 2015

doing something.....

i have noticed that when i come up against something horribly dark,
or just a really really difficult struggle - i am filled with the need to DO something.
it happens every time.

which can be a bit frustrating if you read the news.

i try to keep the news in balance in my life.
sometimes i don't do so good with that.
sometimes i just about drown with it all.
and then i take a sabbatical and try to balance again.

and sometimes something will hit so deeply that i'll just feel that need again -
that overwhelming need to DO something.

this morning that happened to me.
that overwhelming feeling came.
along with the tears.

i headed for the shower, turned on the prayer music and tried to just get centered.
yet the tug was there -
what can i possibly do?
it's so huge and so beyond me.
what can i possibly do?

and then....
the answer that always seems to come to me when no other answer will come -
whispered to me again.

it's in one of my bone sighs.....the one i have for grief -

“weeping and aching, 
i longed to honor your passing.
i longed to honor your life.
searching everywhere, 
i found only one answer.
honor myself.
become all that i am.
and carry you inside that beauty. ”

i got to thinking about how incredibly wealthy i am just because i live where i live.
i got to wondering about that.
and i got to wondering about how i live and what i do with what i have.
and i got to thinking about how i act.

and i got to thinking that the very least i can do is value my blessings with all i have,
understand how lucky i am, work very hard at not adding any more pain to the world,
work hard at taking any pain i can away.

do exactly what that bone sigh says -
-honor myself -
become all that i am.

part of me wants to argue that and say that's nothing. you're doing nothing.
but the answer back to that is ' then why is it so hard?'

it's one place i can start.
it's one place i have control over.
it's one thing i can lift up every single day and say - i offer my heart.
as open and loving as i can make it.


Cathy said...

You are so far from "doing nothing"!!!!!

diane in ar said...

I agree with you 100% - the news is overwhelming and can threaten the balance of our lives. . .and yes we CAN do something - honor ourselves - be the best we can be - it matters. . .offering your/our hearts - best gift ever for others and for ourselves. I have a beautiful starfish necklace from Sorrow Grey and it came with the story of someone throwing starfish on the beach back in the ocean, only to be told doing so little didn't help, didn't matter. . .the response: it mattered to this starfish. The back of the necklace says, "it matters" - and it does.

terri st. cloud said...

thanks you guys. and yes, matters!