thoughts on 'trauma'

i wanted to comment on 'trauma' as that word has come up more than once in less than a week.

it's a funny word.
sometimes i think it's over  used.
and sometimes i think it's way under  used.

i think that many of us can go thru something really really really really difficult.
and then think that we went thru something really hard.
we know that.
but we don't realize what we went thru was 'trauma.'

so who cares what the heck you call it?
call it hard. call it trauma. who cares?

i do.

cause i'm thinking it makes a difference in how we approach ourselves
and how we can recognize some stuff goin' on inside us.

if we think of it as trauma, i'm thinking we're more likely to 'respect' the
issue a bit more. we're more likely to understand certain reactions,
and we're more likely to cut ourselves some slack and maybe work
with ourselves a bit more.

i think it makes us more aware.

i know the first time someone referred to something in my life as 'trauma,'
i did a double take.
and i balked.
and didn't want to accept that.
'it wasn't THAT bad.' was my reaction.

thing is....i think it was.
and i realize that because i can see times where stuff in me is 'triggered'
and i REACT very strongly.
and a whole lot happens inside me.

so i got to thinking about it, and gradually came to the place i could say
'yeah, i think it was.'
and be okay with that.
but i'm not okay with saying it to other people.
cause i don't want to be a 'drama queen.'

so i can see how this whole topic/issue/word is tricky.

and i thought it was a good one to bring up.
it's okay to have trauma.
it's okay to admit it was.
and it's way okay to look at how you're working and what triggers you
and what you react to and ways to get stronger and stronger.

when we struggle with something and people tell us to move on and let it go,
and we think maybe they're right...
we're forgetting that it's only ourselves who really know the feelings inside.
and if we're having trouble with some of them, maybe it's not a matter of
letting go and moving on, maybe it's a matter of looking inward, holding
the wound a bit, acknowledging the pain, working with it and trusting that when the time
is right, we not only will move on, we'll move towards healing, not covering up.

seems important to me.