little terri's and layers

i had an insight recently that made a big impression on me.

i've got enough of an odd streak in me, that i find it quite easy
to work with visualizations that work with my inner terri's.
terri's at different ages. it's easy for me and often has a powerful
affect. i do it enough that my friends know about the 'little terri's'
and even tease me about the crowd i carry around inside myself.

the insight had to do with knowing things down to my core.
it dawned on me that the few times i do that, there's no other parts
of me fighting that knowing. every part of me is in agreement
about that particular subject. like i say, it's not very often. but it's
there.

it occurred to me that if i want to get a knowing sink all the way
down to my bones, then i have to get all the parts of me to step
out of the way, to understand and accept and know.

that was kinda big news to me. and i liked it as it seemed like
something i can work with.

well, yeah, great....but today i'm thinking the ol 'layer concept'
can't be ignored here.

sometimes i talk about the layers inside of me, and sometimes i'm
floored with how deep some of them go.

today i've got a sad layer a few layers down under my day to day
layers. and i don't want to touch it. i know as soon as i do, emotions
will pour forth. great. great. just what i need. i figure i'll touch it
before i go to sleep so i can be nice and sad all alone in the dark and
no one else has to deal with it.

and up until this moment, i thought the layer concept was different
than the little terri concept.

i just realized...they go hand in hand.
the sad part of me definitely has to do with a little terri. and that
little terri is a few layers down.

how cool is that?! two totally different images i've carried around for
years finally melding together.

now...if i can go there....to that layer....talk to that part of me that's
hurting....and hold the sadness....and just accept it all......that would
be kinda awesome, wouldn't it?

i'd better head to bed early tonite....think it may take a little time
to do this! suddenly....i'm looking forward to it......