totally muddled

as i walked today i thought of the phrase
'it is what it is.'
that's the latest thought that's been lingering
a bit in my mind....

as far as i can tell, it's acceptance of a situation.

i like it.
wish i could feel it a whole lot more than i do...

but there's something that bothers me with it all....
i feel like when i have acceptance, i don't have other
emotions.....and i'm not sure that's okay with me.

i want to have acceptance and still have compassion
and caring and other things i can't think of right now....

i thought of times when i feel really compassionate.
i don't have a lotta acceptance then.
i want to change things, wish they were different,
maybe even hate the whole situation.....

it's definitely not an even keel of acceptance.

when it's related directly to me, i think of hurts
i've had. when i say 'it is what it is' it's like i've
let go of it all, don't want anything anymore, am
walking away from it.....

it's more of a giving up than an acceptance.

hmmm.......
so even when i think i've got acceptance, i wonder if what
i've got is letting go.....giving up.

is that the same thing??
no.
can't be.

hmmm........now i'm thinking i have no idea of what acceptance
really is.

ha.
go figure.

not only do i NOT have it......i don't even KNOW what it is!!

wow.
guess i have some more thinking to do......