just an odd flako

i didn't want to walk this morning.
which is odd.
my walks are some of the best parts of my day.
but it was like pullin' teeth gettin' me out
there today.
just start, i told myself, you can always turn
around.
and so i started.
that's a good strategy apparently.
it worked.

as i walked i noticed something....
something i'd been feelin' since last nite's
call.....and i don't know how to explain it,
because even to me it sounds flaky weird.

i felt outside of myself.
i felt almost like i was floating just outside
myself.

okay.
odd.
flaky.

i took a walk and told myself i wanted to 'center'
myself a bit.
the word 'center' makes more sense to me than another
common one...'grounded.'
i use grounded, but center makes more sense to me.
i can sometimes feel a shift inside of me that feels
'off-center' so it makes sense when i try to shift back
to center.

today was the first time in my life i realized what
grounded really meant.

any words i choose here are weird.
cause the whole thing is weird.
i almost felt like i was pulling myself back inside
myself.

when i realized i felt like i was floating around,
i figured i needed to pull myself back in.
have no idea why.
have no idea how i did that.
but i just sorta reached up and pulled down.

funky strange.

and as i walked and pulled myself back in, i realized
i really needed to do that and felt better and better
as i did so.

what the heck does all that mean?!
if someone else had told me that, i woulda nodded politely,
smiled, said okay, and then just chalked them up to bein'
flako.

but it was me experiencing it.
and yeah, i chalked myself up to bein' a flako....
but i also was grateful it occurred to me that i wasn't
quite together and to follow my gut on tryin' to get
more together.

as i walked, i felt i could walk forever.
great. can't get myself on a walk, now i can't get myself
back home....

home now.
more grounded than when i started.
new understanding of the word grounded.
and ready to face the day.

i read yesterday that life is just a series of stages
you have to go thru. you go thru one, then the next comes
along.

kinda a boring description. but helpful when you know
you got a few yucky stages ahead of you.
one at a time.
and you'll go thru what you need to.

yank on your spirit to keep it inside of you.
and you'll do just fine.