the man who ate a bee....

i'm in one of those moods.

the 'people are precious' moods.

i don't know if i've lost too many people,
or if i'm just an overly smaltzy individual,
or i'm just mellow...

but i'm glad for the mood.

i got a note from a friend this morning.

i don't even know if i say we restarted an
old friendship, or exactly how to describe our
reconnecting.
it's just weird.

but a good weird.
and he's become someone i'd miss if he was gone.

and there he was tellin' me how he accidentally
ate a bee yesterday.

yeah.
yeah.
once we're over the trauma of it all, there's
some really great jokes in there....

i've been thinking tho......if it was bad, and
he really reacted, and he died.......
wow.
it'd be so awful.

then i started thinking of my cousin who wrote
the other day that she was thrown from her horse...
and how that coulda been really bad for her..

and then my mind got whirlin'.....and i thought of
all the people that are mixed up in my crazy life
and how much i care about them all....

and how precious every single one of them is.
same with the days. my own days.

it's all a gift, isn't it?
and each person is a gift aren't they?

i'm generally pretty good at seein' that....
but there's a few exceptions in my life....
people i don't really see as gifts.
think i'm gonna work on that.....
because it ALL is a gift.

i drove by a golf course this weekend that
reminds me of someone i lost. every single time
i drive by that place, i remember him.

when he died, i shut down. i isolated. i cleaned
my attic out and painted my living room. i wanted
to be left alone. i didn't want to love anyone anymore.
it hurt too much to lose him. it hurt too much to not
be able to control the world.

i didn't know how to make sense out of it.

i struggle with that kinda thing a lot.
but maybe the sense isn't in the losing....
it's in the living.......
and if you live the moments as gifts, and treat the
people as precious you know that you made the most
out of your time.

yeah, i'm pretty good at that.....
but not where i want to be.
not by a long shot.

and the friend who ate a bee reminded me of that today.

holding the gift in my hands today, and loving
the sparkle of it all....