it all just is

two big emotions were swirling inside of me when
i started my walk.

there was a heavy dark kinda emotion. sad, frustrated,
angry, sorrowful....feeling very different
and alienated from a situation. feeling like it was
a big example of good not winning out.

and there was the beautiful, loving, kindness of
another situation that overwhelmed me and reminded me
that kindness matters. love does affect things.

talk about opposites. and there they were.

i thought about them as i passed the turn in my road.
they're tearin' the trees down there. i don't talk about
it much as it breaks my heart. i walked and looked over
amazed at how they've just flattened the forest......

a car pulled up, a neighborhood guy goin' to work. don't
know him, just a guy who drives by in the morning.
he rolled down his icy window and commented on the change
of scenery there. i said how sad it was and he shook his
head real sad like. we just shared this moment where we
both understood the sadness of the trees goin.......
and then we moved on.

i thought about him as i walked.
thought about how i don't know him. but how we feel the same.
and how there for a moment it was totally open in our feelings
about that.

i thought about people and what's inside us and how it's
all the same....
but how it comes out so differently.

i thought about frustration at the differences in people
and the good not seeming to win out so many times.

stood at my goodmorningworld spot and thought about it not
being that easy.

it wasn't all good that lost in that situation i came on
my walk with.
it's not just a question of good and bad.
it's muddy and gray inbetween. there's decisions
and reactions, and events and comments and undercurrents
and things we don't even realize. it's not all good.
it's not all bad.

we're all the same.
reacting to things we don't even understand half the time.

i took it all and held it.

how do i take these emotions and not become a victim of them?

how do i hold situations that break my heart and not
spend the day heartbroken?

maybe i look at them and accept them.
maybe i concentrate on understanding that we all are
the same....just acting way different.
and maybe i focus on being as healthy as i can be today.
making me all that i want to be.

because that's all i can do.

and when people come by and roll down their icy windows
and share their sadness...i'll share mine too.
and i'll know that we're all really the same.

and it really all just is.

as i walked and thought about this i walked back by
the spot they're clearing. i heard the sound of the trees
being broken.

my heart broke a little more with that sound.

it all just is, i told myself.....