what angels can hold....

wow....so many threads in my head as i walked...
hang on for the ride....

listenin' to christmas music yesterday...
transiberian orchestra. i love those people!
there's a song in there about an angel coming
down...
'to brings something back, this angel was told
that no one could touch, but angels could hold.'

i am so captivated by that...
that no one could touch, but angels could hold.

so that's ringin' thru my head.

then there's this other song, same album that
reduced me to a melted puddle of tears yesterday...
it's a dad missin' his daughter, not knowing where
she was and praying for her...

so, okay....i'm walkin' and thinking. and tryin'
not to dwell on my dad. (see multiple posts below)
and i think of all i wanted from him and just will
never get....

then i smile.

last week i asked someone if they were nervous about
doin' something and they said a friend of theirs told
them to 'pull on their big girl panties and just do it.'

i had a very close friend who told me that countless
times! i laughed every time she said it, and it would
be just what i needed to hear...

so i got to thinking about that prayer in that song.
yeah, ter....you're dad isn't here, and even if he was,
it prolly wouldn't be what you wanted....
soooooooo how about you say that prayer for yourself?
how about you give yourself what you're lookin' for?
how about you put on your big girl panties and give
yourself that love?

ahhhhhh that felt so good. and i could hear the song
ringin' thru my mind...'watch over her this day, keep
her, protect her from harm now in every way, shelter
her gently there in your arms she'll be until the day when
you bring her back home to me.......'

okay......then my mind went straight to a note i got
last nite on face book. a quick, incredible note that
went right to my heart. someone thanking me for my work
and telling me that it reminds her that she's beautiful
and worth loving.

wow.
i fall on my knees in gratitude for notes like that.
honestly. i have to pause here and just say that.

and i wrote her back and mentioned self love...

cause i think it's the self love that's the hardest....

and i go back to that song and that prayer....
'keep her safe until she gets back home.'

where's home?

is home inside her?
is home self love?
is home god?
is home a huge deep mix of all of that that we can't
really grasp....we can't really touch....it's so deep
so huge....so blinding....we can't really touch it...
but angels can hold it........

and wow.
my head just about exploded with the beauty of how
it all tied in and made me feel.

it's beyond me........it's so incredibly beyond me...
all i can do is put on my big girl panties...love
myself and those around me....and see where it takes
me....

maybe inside to self love?
maybe inside to god?
maybe to what angels can hold....