more of the game....

'it all feels like a game.....'

a line from the post below.
i meant my business, which is also my life.
they intermix so much that it's hard to
separate them....

but when i wrote it, i was thinking finances.

and as i hit the button to post the entry,
i thought of tonite....

tonite, i'll be driving home from josh's with zakk
and yo. actually, i'll prolly be alone in my own
car. better plan. cause i know there's gonna be
tears as i drive home.

i'm so happy for him. i really really am.
and i'm just so lame at moving into new directions
smoothly.

i can't seem to do that without tears.

i'm nervous about it.
wanting to hold up for everyone, wanting to make
it all good. hoping i can just hang on til i hit
the privacy of my own car.....

and then the privacy of my own bed.....

tonite and tomorrow are gonna be tuggin' on my heart
pretty strong.

but then i think of that line.....
'it feels like a game. and if you know how to play...
you'll do just fine.'

it's not just josh leaving. it's the end of an era,
it's the realization that the other two will be gone
soon, that i'll REALLY be on my own. that i'm a grown
up and that it's up to me to handle life. all that.

it's a lot for my little brain.

but if i can just keep the game thought in mind......
maybe that'll help......
if you just know how to play....you'll be okay.