creating spaces

i got into an email conversation this morning
with a young man who is the most arrogant person
i know.

i have no patience for arrogance.
luckily i don't run into it very often.
when i do my reaction usually is something
like: yeah, whatever. leave.

and here he was. not only that, he was writing
to tell me WHY he was so arrogant.

okay.
what now, ter?

delete button?
a snippy response?
deal with it later?

nahhh......
i actually care about him.
deep breath, and some effort here.

i was gonna write to him about my hero, stevie
ray vaughn, and how the sheer humbleness of this
man is one of the things i admire the most.

but wait.

just because i admire humbleness, doesn't mean
this guy does.

maybe he admires arrogance.
i have to stop thinking everyone thinks like
me and figure out where we're standing in this
sea of thoughts.

and so i asked him some questions.

didn't put any of my thoughts out. just asked
him questions.

the emails went back and forth a bit.

and then the weirdest thing happened.

he asked ME a question.

a real question. something he'd been wrestling
with.

i answered. apparently i used a word that helped
him and that may be all he needed from me.
he may be done. he may be back. who knows.

but i saw how i had made a space for him to ask.

making a space.

someone recently mentioned to me that i was good
at that. making spaces for people.

i had never thought of it that way before, and i have
been captivated by that idea.

and i think she's right. i can do that.

and i also think that when i don't, i feel it, and
i don't like it.

i think that if i was clear on it, i could have sat down
right away, with the first email and asked myself how
i could make a space here.

he came to me.
he was looking for one.

turns out i did it without trying.
i got lucky this time.
but what if was aware of that all the time?

what if i held that concept in my mind?

and then of course, not just making space for everyone
else....but making space for me.

it's a concept that has captured my curiosity.

i noticed it this morning big time....

and now i want to intentionally play with it all day.

how do we create spaces for others?
and how do we create them for ourselves?
and why the heck does that matter?