chickens in disguise

i'm sittin' here tryin' to figure out a design
thing for the cancer site. strugglin'.
when ms. anonymous came thru with some comments.
(thanks, lady!)

she said it takes courage to be brutally honest...

yeah, yeah, i think we all THINK it does.
and i know it takes work. i really do know that.
and yeah, there's what may seem like courage.
but it may just be disguised.

i was thinking about this last nite....

let me see if this makes any sense.....

i was kinda mullin' the wells and identity
thoughts a bit (see post below) and i got
to thinking of all the WRONG places we put
emphasis.

i really really think we build what we've got.
(a lot of luck (or fate, or whatever) involved,
yes) but a whole heck of a lot of building.
so much is up to us.

sooner or later we're all gonna get the rug
pulled out from under us. maybe some of us will
have it pulled fast enough we won't even know....
but a lot of us are gonna be sittin' there rugless
waitin' to die.

WHY would we build a lifetime of stuff that
doesn't matter?! WHY would we create a world that
won't support us in the darkness???

that was all whirling inside of me last nite.

and when you look at it that way, it's not courage
that makes you want to build 'real' is it?
it's just kinda like planning ahead or something.

it's like building the foundation that will last.

it's not about courage.

and all that fear that i encounter along the way
in trying to be real???
that fear is just roadblocks or something.

whenever you REALLY look at stuff you're afraid of,
it's really not that scary.

i think it's scarier not to look and then have it
all land on you at the end....

THAT's scary!

so maybe somehow we've got it all backwards??
and maybe if we could just turn it all around,
it wouldn't be so hard.

grin.

yeah.

it's the turnin' it all around stuff that takes
some work, huh?

i don't know....
but i do know this....
i'm not on this journey of searchin' cause i'm
courageous.
that i know.
i'm on it cause i want real.
and not having real is way scary for me.

so i guess i'm on this journey cause i'm chicken!