Monday, March 2, 2009

making my list......

okay.
the list is getting long.

i seriously am NOT trying to find the things
that are wrong with me.

seriously, this is not a self esteem problem.

i just feel like i'm stumbling onto so many
things that i'm really seeing for the first time.

maybe you see them when you're ready, ya know?

today i found another.

now it got to the point i figured i'd better
make a list or they're gonna slip by me.

they've all been blogged about....

me workin' on false beliefs about myself.

the idea that i don't deserve happiness.

the better thought hygiene idea....working
on keeping the thoughts healhty.

creating spaces...that's a positive one
we gotta throw in there....creating spaces
for myself.

and today's hum dinger....

anger management!

i've had more than one friend ask me about
my anger. like um....where is it, terri?

i've heard it before.

well.....today anger came up.
because i was mad about something.
but you couldn't really tell.
you could tell i was upset or off....
but mad??? um. no.

so talkin' to bob and another trusted friend
today......

they pointed out to me that i think it thru a lot.
that i try to see everyone's point of view. and
in so doing, i kinda 'hold off' on the anger til
i figure it out.

well, where does it go then???

ewwwwwwww i don't know!
bob says i hold on to it then. while i'm figurin'
it out. i hold on to it.

i bet that's not a healthy thing!

wouldn't want that goin' into my cells or anything!

so i got all excited all over again today.

gonna try to figure this one out.

i thought i did good with it.
i say things like 'i'm really mad right now.'
but as zakk points out...that's not anger.

grin.

yeah.
yeah.

soooooo.......where do i go with this?
i don't know.
but i actually wrote my list out today.
because these are all so big i don't want them
to slip thru my fingers.

i think i need like 90,000,000 more walks here.
a little tweak here, a little tweak there.

bob teases and tells me i'm a 'tinkerer' always
tinkerin' with my insides.

well, yeah!
there's a lot there to tinker with, buster!

off to find a wrench.....

2 comments:

Lisa said...

sounds like youa re dealing with a lot of crap, poor you.
however- it is best to be dealing with it than avoiding it i would imagine- funny how somethines things just seem to pop up even though in thruth they have been there all along
Lisaxx

Sarah Cook said...

This is soooooooooo much like me. I am so impressed with your list and with all of your thoughts... you are amazing Terri.