Thursday, March 26, 2009

a science experiment

okay.
i figure it's time to push myself a bit.
really really push myself.

see what i do.

i'm gonna type out a note for myself.
i may have to write something on my hand
for a bit til i get the hang of this.
gonna try it for a week.
one week.

when i hit a situation that i find hard,
frustrating, whatever....one that would make
me close up and do the fear stuff....
i'm gonna try real hard to catch myself and
ask if i'm being trusting, being open,
being who i want to be.

maybe i'll write 'TOW' on my hand.
Trusting
Open
Who

and if not.....i want to push myself to go a
step further and try.

i don't want to say "make" myself...because
maybe i need the room or something. i want
to show compassion to myself at the same time
i try to push myself.

it's gotta be a balancing act.

i don't want to whip myself into shape....
but i do want to push myself to some lines
that i find hard to get across....

i'm thinking it's time to try.

the trusting thing.....i need to be reminded.
i want that to become more of a habit.
i want all of it to be more of a habit than
the negative stuff that is habit.

and how do you make that happen?
don't you deliberately have to make an effort???

i'm gonna try.
a science experiment.
one week.

starting now.

1 comment:

runzwithknives said...

I have to deliberately make an effort much of the time. It's so easy to slip into that negative stuff. That's ok...when I do push myself...a bit more time and attention to it all...it comes a bit easier. But it's still work. It will always be work. We will never be perfect.

But when I notice that it just happens, boy oh boy, is that ever sweeet!! And it's fuel for the next one.

I like having a touchstone in my pocket to remind me. I had one once that had "synchrodestiny" imprinted on it. I found it and kept it. And then about a year later, I lost it in the park one day. Guess someone else needed it more. *grins*

Time for another one.