i figure it's time to push myself a bit.
really really push myself.
see what i do.
i'm gonna type out a note for myself.
i may have to write something on my hand
for a bit til i get the hang of this.
gonna try it for a week.
when i hit a situation that i find hard,
frustrating, whatever....one that would make
me close up and do the fear stuff....
i'm gonna try real hard to catch myself and
ask if i'm being trusting, being open,
being who i want to be.
maybe i'll write 'TOW' on my hand.
and if not.....i want to push myself to go a
step further and try.
i don't want to say "make" myself...because
maybe i need the room or something. i want
to show compassion to myself at the same time
i try to push myself.
it's gotta be a balancing act.
i don't want to whip myself into shape....
but i do want to push myself to some lines
that i find hard to get across....
i'm thinking it's time to try.
the trusting thing.....i need to be reminded.
i want that to become more of a habit.
i want all of it to be more of a habit than
the negative stuff that is habit.
and how do you make that happen?
don't you deliberately have to make an effort???
i'm gonna try.
a science experiment.