Monday, March 23, 2009

toasting love

it's the anniversary of the day that bob and i
decided to be a couple. was a big day for both of us.
neither one of us took it lightly. we had a great
friendship and didn't want to lose that in some
lame attempt at being more...
so we knew it couldn't be a lame attempt.

it's been everything but lame. good, bad, incredible,
amazing, frustrating, maddening, nurturing, hurting,
kind, loving, intense, insane....never lame.

i tried to think of some of the main things i've
learned. and high on the list is acceptance.

you throw a vegetarian and a hunter together,
right there you know there's gonna have to be
some acceptance. you throw an emotional artist and a
logical engineer together, and you start to really wonder.
you throw a very male guy and a very feminine female
together......and you throw up your hands and
yell 'impossible!' at least i have, more than once.

loving someone and allowing them to be who they are
seems like such a beautiful, easy thought.

i gotta say that i haven't always been that good at
it. that i've struggled a lot. i'm a bit embarrassed
to say that i've struggled way way more than he has.
and yes, i continue to struggle.

if someone came up to me and asked advice on having
a loving relationship....that would probably be the
number one thing i'd talk about. that seems to be
the thing that is really teaching me love.


and what's so cool about it is that you can't do it
without a TON of self exploration.

you have to figure out why something bugs you.
what's YOUR deal with it? why the reaction?
and then you have to figure out if it's something
that you can resolve yourself inside you, if you
need to go to your partner for help, or if you really
need to tweak something between you.

self responsibility.
seeing yourself clearly.
owning your own stuff.
valuing yourself enough to put it out there if you
feel that's the thing to do.
valuing your partner enough to accept it if that's
the correct thing to do.
respecting your partner enough to allow them to be
who they are.

there's a ton of stuff mixed up in it.
and it's all good. and it all leads to healthy
individuals and healthy couples.....

that's where i'd go.

then i'd smile and say 'it'll be harder than you can

cause it's not about your partner.
it's about you.
and what's goin' on inside of you.
and if you can figure that can
find acceptance.
acceptance of both you and them.

maybe that's what i'm figurin' out.
loving someone is so intricately combined with loving
yourself that you can't have one without the other.

and i'm thinking that anyone who finds this easy isn't
really looking....

when i first met him, i didn't believe in love anymore.
now...years later i feel like i'm just now taking the
first steps in to what it really is.....

toasting love today!


Lisa said...

heres to love- blessed be xx

Carmen Rose said...

Bless your heart Terri, I am often impressed with and inspired by you and this time is no exception. I sometimes think that learning to love is one of the greatest challenges, to love someone else as they need to be loved and to find ways of loving ourselves that doesn't let us off the hook for the horrible or dismiss the beautiful. I learn from you every time I read your words. Bless you!! <3

Anonymous said...

loving someone and allowing them to be who they are seems like such a beautiful, easy thought.

I've always thought it (relationships) should be "easy"...that is, when they are "right" for us they are "easy". That it will be more effortless somehow.

Not true. Unless of course we don't want to look in the mirror...afraid of what we'll see.

Blessings Terri for sharing so much with us. I'm learning. And that's all good!