Tuesday, April 28, 2009

josh, worms and my heart

just so you know, i haven't been moping over
josh being gone. i'm usually fine.
what happens is it'll just hit real hard
at certain moments.

ALWAYS hits when we're pulling out of his
driveway and wavin' goodbye.

last time i told him to just go check his
email or something and stay inside. that made
it a whole lot easier.

it's the waving goodbye to him as he stands
alone in his driveway....

moments like that just get to me.....

closing the door behind him as he leaves here
as he walks out into the nite....

THOSE kinda moments get me.

but then there's other moments.

like this morning. as i walked. there were
a lotta worms struggling on the road.
a lotta them just didn't make it.
apparently they went in the wrong direction
and dried up.

i saved two that i saw. in two different spots.

i don't think i ever saved a worm before josh
came into my life.

they were icky.

then he would spend so much time saving them
from getting dried out.

i would watch him and just love him so much.

he still does this.
this isn't just when he was a kid.
he still will stop when we're walkin' and save
a worm or a bug.

this morning i did it.

and as i was bent over talkin' to this worm
i thought of josh.

that goofball is always with me.

and i grabbed that moment and held him close.

there's all kindsa moments.
and i want to see the ones where he's with me.
cause those make me smile.

it's all what you focus on, isn't it?

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