just mullin' out loud....

i posted some goofy stupid status line on
facebook yesterday about changin' the
neurons and synapses in my brain and havin'
a good day.

it was just playful as i like to go there
and play.

but it was based on truth.

on tryin' to figure out patterns i've made
that don't work for me. and changing those
patterns.

i want to say 'to patterns that do work for
me.'

but i don't know, maybe deliberately creating
patterns isn't such a good idea.

maybe beyond patterns would be awareness of
the present. and having each moment be whatever
it is. not subject to a pattern.

oh yeah.
this all sounds so good.

but my gosh.
i've got some stubborn weird patterns.
and they creep in all over the darn place.

i can't even figure out why i've got some that
i do. they logically make no sense.

ah.
but since when have i been logical?!

i was really really aware of them yesterday.
and i'm hoping to stay aware for a little while
here. long enough to change some directions.

i've done it before.

i know it can be done.
i think maybe tho you have to be clear on what
you want.

josh gave me a good pointer once.
he said that sometimes it's real hard to list
out what you want.
we all know what we don't want.
but not so sure what it is we want.

so he told me to start with a list of what i
don't want, and then take their opposites
to start forming my want list.

i haven't tried that yet. and he told me
some time ago.

i'm thinking that might be a good thing to
try along with the pattern changing deal.

hmmmmmmm.........
maybe it's time.