walkin' thoughts

so i took what i thought was a little bit of
a dilemma out on a walk with me.

something i've actually seen i've gotten good
at is gettin' to the root of what's eating at
me. i'm getting quicker and quicker with that.

so this was easy.
ohhhhhh........
but the answers are what i'm not so good at.
they aren't as easy for me.

but then!
a new tool came into play.

i don't know what happened....but in the last
week or two i feel like i can actually tap into
this river inside of me.

at first i thought it was a momentary thing.
but i keep doin it and it keeps bein' there.

and i'm thinking if it stays and i keep practicing,
this could be really helpful.

my new tool! my inner river!

so i went there.
tapped into that.
and knew that whatever it all is, it is.

i have outcomes i'm attached to, ya know?

i'd like to say i didn't.
i'd like to say i'm all about goin' with the flow.
but i'm more about makin' the flow go my way.
and i know...that doesn't work.

the inner river reminds me that whatever happens,
it's okay.

so i walked and thought about my dilemma and could
see that if i don't work with it, i'm definitely
settin' up a certain outcome. an outcome i don't
want.

soooooo several things occur to me:

-there is a flow and we need to go with it.
HOWEVER a lot of that flow follows the grooves
we carve. bein' aware of those grooves is hugely
important. constructing grooves that take things
in a 'bad' direction is easy. it's the constructing
of the 'good' grooves that takes a ton of work.

-there is an inner river in all of us. always.
i'm just finding mine more and more. it's been there
all along, and looking back i can see it. it wasn't
until i actually looked back and saw it that i started
to feel it now.
seeing is key.
touching it often will remind me it's there and will
feel like i'm growing it,
but i think actually will only open my eyes more and
more to how big it's always been.

-practice actually does work. i see progress in stuff
i've been workin' on, and that inspires me to practice
the new stuff.

-new stuff keeps comin' up to practice on as i get
better with other stuff.
it looks like it will never end.
i'll never get 'there.' i'll always be practicin'
something i'm not so good at....
and that's really okay.
actually, it's more than okay....it's awesome.

and finally, i'm lucky enough to have a best friend
who helps me figure out what to do with all this stuff
i stumble into.

i'm not sure we can do it alone.
i really think we need our buds.

gratitude is huge in all of this.
and i get in trouble when i leave that on the shelf.

those are my walking thoughts today.
off to grab some gratitude with my oatmeal.....