one heck of a question....

i think this is too big for my head right now...
not sure i can fit it in a blog. but will try...

walkin'. thinkin'.

i honestly believe a whole lot of what is called
love is nothing more than sick needs.
yeah.
how's that for a cheery outlook?

when i first started searchin', i was convinced
it all was sick needs.
but i don't believe that any more.
i do think there's some healthy love out there.
but i think a whole lot of it is unhealthy and not
love at all.

but is called love anyway.
and it causes some major confusion and hurt.

thinking this morning of people i see as unhealthy.
and how they operate.
it bothers me and i don't want to play the game.

but i went deeper this morning.
thought of WHY they play the game.

and i could see clearly that they need to feel
loved so badly and these ways are ways that make
them feel like they get it.

i see it as giving up who they really are, losing
a lifetime of growing, learning how to manipulate
and lie instead of moving towards honesty and
genuine relationships.

but honestly, i think that's all they know and
that they need that feeling of being loved in that
form so badly that they cannot change.

so.
where does that leave people around them?

where does that kinda thing leave people all around
other people who have unhealthy needs and unless
they get them met, they feel unloved?

how does a person interact with unhealthy love in
a loving way?

shoot.
that is one heck of a question, isn't it?

i see it all around me with friends and their lives
me and my life, people i hear about. it's everywhere.
we all have this question to face.

so i'm thinking the answer's got to be about me.

it's got to be about who i am.

everything i do has got to be with the purpose of
honoring who i am.

and the oddest answer comes to mind.

speaking my truth in every situation.

hmmmmm. go figure.
could it be that easy?

can i say something like 'i feel funny about this.
it doesn't feel like love to me and i want to offer
love. this is the way it feels right to me. so i want
to let you know that this is what i'll do. and i want
you to know that to me this is loving you.'

oh wow.

could i ever get that clear and straight?

i can actually see doing that in some situations.
and then in others i can see being closed down so
fast and shut out.

but then again....
maybe that's okay.
maybe that's not my choice.

maybe the only choice i can make is putting my
truth out there. and letting everyone else make
their choice from there.

i think that's prolly it.

i've done that a little bit. i've been growin' in
that direction.
i see more growth ahead tho....

in one way it makes me nervous.
in one way it makes me smile....
how totally empowering to do your best to offer what
you feel is healthy and let everyone choose if they
want it or not....and then be okay with their choices.

that would be strength.
that would be integrity.
that would be so awesome........