allowing

so this meeting was easier.
there was a rough spot in the beginning
where i snapped.
unusual.
but makes a point, anyway. people notice
when i get snappy.

and the rest went fairly smoothly.

i drove home wondering if it was a bad
thing that it was hopeful. does that just
string this out longer and more painfully?

i wonder.

and then i got to thinking of my reactions.

an enlightened being would have the same
reaction no matter what the outcome.

ah, yes.

an enlightened being would know that it's
all okay. it all goes where it goes and it's
all just a process that we go thru.

okay.
okay.
i held on to that.
i got that.
yeah.
i got that.

and then i laughed.

no you don't, ter.
you got that cause this meet up was good.

altho, i gotta say, i'm closer to it than i've
ever been even when it's bad.

yeah, but not cause you're enlightened ter....
it's cause it's not your son.

if it was your son.....you wouldn't be okay.

no. i wouldn't.

and prolly the only way i would be is because
i 'gave up.' was hopeless and just let go.

that's not what the enlightened are talking about.

it's not a giving up.
it's an allowing.

i so suck at allowing.

i was gonna say there's work to be done on that.

grin.

but maybe i just need to allow that part of me.
for now, anyway.