curious

two people i love dearly are struggling
with huge issues.
the issues that are so big that the only
way you get thru is by locking up part
of you and functioning the best way you
can.

i know this one as i've done it before.

it's when the world is positively crumbling
and changing and if you don't hang on
somehow, you will fall into the abyss.
so you hang on by turning on the autopilot
mode and getting thru.

i know this one so well that i can sit here
and actually go to that place and go to that
feeling and recall what it's like so clearly.

i wonder if it's ever really possible to be
so okay with the losses of life that you really
just accept them and don't need to close off
part of yourself.

i wonder if that's the goal?

i don't know.

is it?

i gravitate toward the goal being 'becoming
love.'

what the heck does that mean???

i think i need to really sit with that and get
it more concrete.
'too fuzzy' my dad would say.

maybe the goal is 'becoming knowing.'

if you know....if you know it's all okay.
losses, change, sorrow are all part of the
journey...if you know somehow it's all holy....

if you know it's all holy.......

maybe then you won't close off part of you?
and maybe opening all of you to all things is
becoming love???

embracing it all.......knowing the holy.......
maybe somehow that's being love???

i have a quote that totally comes to mind:

'maybe it's not about the darkness.
and maybe it's not about the light.
maybe it's about the knowing.
the knowing there is sacred always.
even when you can't see it.
maybe it's the knowing that's the holy part.'

i have no idea.
but i sure am curious.