givers and receivers....

was thinking about giving this morning.

there's quite a range of 'receivers' out
there to give to.

i've got people in my life who are just
so incredibly grateful for things you do
for them, they can't thank you enough.

i've got people who i believe are grateful
but they just can't say much about it.

i've got people who don't even notice.

and i've got people who i never quite
give enough to or it's never quite good
enough.

whew.
what a range.

i tried to give recently, and i had the
sense that it just wasn't good enough.

i thought of that this morning.

i'm a people pleaser. try real hard to
please. long stories with that....

i try to watch things now. make sure i'm
doing what i'm doing for healthy reasons
not to try to please the planet like i used
to. make sure i don't give me away in the
process of pleasing.

i think a whole lotta women (people?) deal
with that one...

so i caught myself wanting to go back to
the giving i just did and 'tweak it' a bit.
make it better. make it something more of
what they wanted.

um.
stop.

hello???

what is it they really want, ter?

and i realized what they really really wanted,
i honestly could not give.

all i could give was what i offered.

and so i resisted the tug i was feeling.

what was it i REALLY wanted?

what was REALLY causing the tug???

was it because i gave wrong?
was it cause it was perceived wrong?

was it cause i just really wish they'd
see me and accept me?

um.
bingo!

and there lie some pretty deep roots to
the people pleaser.

thing is....i've dealt with these roots a lot.
untwisted them. untangled them, looked at them,
snipped some of them.....i know them very very
well by now.

and so i sat back and thought about giving.

when you give ter, it has to be for YOUR reasons.
and it has to be for your highest good.
what's the reason you are giving?

is it to give?
or is to get?

don't give to get....it just doesn't work on
so many levels.

give to give.
give what you can.
and let it be.

it's then up to the receiver to do what they will
with the gift.

and it is a gift.
perhaps the receiver will never know that if you
don't.