offerings

it's a business of offering yourself, ya know?
and sometimes i close my eyes and try to ignore
that part....cause it's not always comfortable.

i saw myself squirming in front of my boys last
nite and thought here i go again....

i'm tryin' to be business savvy and do the things
i need to do, right? the boys have been nudging
me to do audio again. we used to do it.
and a friend nudged me into twitter.

twitter feels silly. but i'm sure i'll get used
to it. maybe. i signed up, but don't have a thing
to say. josh seriously talked to me last nite
about the reachin' out i could do.
on twitter???
okay.....maybe, i'll try......

but the audio....oh my gosh....
what the heck do i say?!
zakk looked at me, grinned, and said he didn't
figure that'd be a problem.

bum.

but what do you say really quick that's an
offering???

and then it just sorta happened.
these little snippets of me and little terri.
but i just don't see how they'd make sense
to anyone. so i'm really really shy about
them. there's no straight out logical reason
for them....and they're real things to me so
they're really really personal....i feel
vulnerable and shy and silly.

bob looked at me when i was tellin' him that
and said 'that's never stopped you before.'

another bum.

i recorded some last nite at josh's.
and as the boys sat there listening to them,
i felt sooooo shy.

i have come up with a goal for them.....
i want to make them offerings for people working
with their inner child. i want to make them
something that would make you think about
connecting with that little one inside....

and that actually feels worthwhile to me.
but to try....i have to really offer myself.
sometimes that is just sooo vulnerable feeling.

and i was thinking about it this morning.
what if they just totally suck and don't do any
bit of good, i thought. what if they make no
sense to anyone else and no one can possibly
relate???

well.....then.......you offered what you could.
you offered what you had.

and that's all that you can do.
and maybe THAT'S the part that matters.......

still shakey about it.....
but gonna do it anyway.
cause i believe that part.
it matters.....