the sunglasses by the door.....

yesterday felt monumental to me.
i was lucky enough to have some time alone
driving so i could sit with it and feel it
and think on it and just hold it.

this whole path of learning to love....
what the heck do i know about it?
nothing.
i just wander and try and scrunch my face,
scratch my head, and try a little more.
i don't know what i'm doin' or what i'll find
or what it's about or where it can take me.
i just know i want to follow the path.

well......all of a sudden, there's a turn
in the path.

voomp.

a turn.

woe.

i didn't see it coming.
and having never been down this particular
path before, i have no idea what's out there.

and there it is.

and i'm excited about it.
i feel it's taking me directly into something
i've been kinda workin' on for years. but this
is the direct path in.

it's taken me years.....years.........years.....
to really trust my love for him.
i got that now. i trust it.
so deeply that i've never experienced anything
like it before.

and i'm not even knocking myself for taking years
with this. i kinda think that makes sense.

so now.
we've got it.
doesn't mean we stop workin' on that.
no. don't mean that.
we keep workin' on that.

but now.....
we go to the next part of the journey....

we learn what to do with that trust.

i don't think i ever even knew there was more
past the trust!!

what i saw yesterday was that the trust was just
the door frame holding the door. and yesterday
i opened the door and said out loud 'i want to
go thru. i want to see where this can take us.
i want to open my eyes and see.'

it's like i've had sunglasses on thru all this.
i could see i was goin' somewhere, but it was
shaded.

gently placing my sunglasses on the table next
to the door, i enter...