i'm psyched....

i got psyched this morning.
saw things kinda clearly and wanted to
hop in and change the energy.

work's been so slow.
no news.
have typed that before.
then june just kinda changed and was
a normal month.
i shouted the slow period was over,
did a happy dance and went confidently
into july.

july slammed to a halt.
bam.
slam.
slow. slow.
almost stopped.

shoot.
this sucks.

and the disappointment filled me.
i've been fighting it. hopeful every day
that there will be checks in the mail.

okay, so it's another slow month.

and instead of that dull kinda gray feeling
i've been having, a real tense, headache
jaw tightening feeling has been all over me.

totally unusual for me.
this won't work, i said as i rubbed my head
and my jaw.

you gotta do something, ter.

first step was to unwind the headache and jaw
ache and tight shoulders.
worked on that.

and then this morning, it hit me......

it's slow. get over it, ter.
that's okay. you can budget with the best of 'em.
that's not your problem.

you can handle that.
but if you lose your intention....
if you get wrapped up in the bummer part of it all,
and forget what you're doin'....your sunk.

i heard myself tell him about it on the phone.
my voice choked up as i said 'if i lose my intention,
i have nothing.'

i heard myself tell him how it's real subtle and
sneaks up on me and takes over me and i don't realize
i'm losing it.

but i see it now.
and i want to hop in with both feet.
back into my intentions.
back into my belief in bone sighs.
back into knowing i'm going the right way.
and just plowin' thru with delight.

because that's what matters.

if i don't have that, i might as well go get
a real job.

and so today......i turn back to my heart.
and i let it free. and i follow it fully.

i feel kinda back on track or something......
and i'm psyched.