an offering to someone i love....an offering to everyone i love....

we talked yesterday.
and earlier today....
you told me you were confused about who you were.

i sit here kinda confused on some stuff myself.

not so much of who i am, i don't think so anyway....
maybe tho.
i don't know.

maybe more of what i believe in.

maybe more of why there's so much sadness so many times.

i tell myself i know the answer to that one.
if things were different with certain things, then there wouldn't
be so much sadness....

i don't know tho.

i read recently 'life is struggle.'
man, they aren't kiddin', are they?

the book also said if we could get comfortable with that idea,
it'd be a lot easier.

sometimes i think i have it. sometimes i think i'm comfortable
with it. and then i hear things like the struggle in your voice,
and i know i'm just kidding myself. i'm not comfortable at all.

i want to help, i want to fix it, i want to take it from you. i want
to help you figure it out. i want to walk thru it with you. and while
you know i'll be boppin' around the edges....i can only go so deep.

that feels weird to me. sometimes i don't think anyone's ever
been deeper in me than you. and i feel like i've been pretty far inside
of you too....and yet.....it's still only the edges i can get to to try to
help you.

i can listen to your stories of your past stuff. i can remember some of
the details you've told me. i can try to help you sort thru all of that....
and i know all of that has brought you to where you are now. to who
you are now.

but all i know is who you are now. and who you've been thru our
friendship. that person i know. and that person i love. and that
is the person i can remind you of. that is the person you're getting
confused on. and i can help you there.

i see a woman who's made it thru so much. who's traveled so far.
who's grown so incredibly tall and strong and yet, who needs to be
able to bend and lean. a woman filled with wisdom and love and
heart. a woman who can touch me so deeply just by being herself.
a friend who teaches me life, who teaches me about myself. a friend
who has cracked my heart wide open and taught me how to love deeper.
a woman that has changed my life. a friend who's hand i hold always.
always.

when you doubt it, when you don't know it, think of that. remember how
much i love you. and hold it.

you know i don't have any of this god stuff down. you know i can't figure
any of it out. but my gosh, i know there's something to the idea that love is
god. the depth of caring, the depth of love....that's somehow tangled up in
god stuff. and that's what i want to throw your way now that it sounds like
you need a life preserver.

a tangled up mess of goddish love stuff.

figures, huh?

all i've ever had to offer you was a tangled up mess of stuff.

picture it.
a tanlged up mess of a woven-sloppy-interlaced-god-love-me-friendship-you-
us-our history-our future-trust-the universe- life preserver.

hold it.
just plain ol' hold it.
don't let it go.

i'm on the other end....