balance

if you're more into the woo woo kinda
life, you might describe me as a bit
of an empath - someone who tunes into
emotions around her and can hold them
for others. (that was way boiled down,
but you get the gist.)

if you had to raise me, you might describe
me as my father did, and say i was
hyper sensitive.

(never did like that one.)

if you asked me, i'd say that i'm perceptive.
and the older i've gotten the more perceptive
i have become.

the deal with that tho, is i haven't learned
much balance. i don't know how to balance what
i see and not hold it all and keep it from
hurting me.

okay. that's not real fair.
i've learned balance....but not in the same
proportion to the perception stuff.

so i'm all outta whack. end up with too much
to hold.

i had this thought on my walk and immediately
put my hands out in front of me like i was
getting ready to juggle.

um. no, ter.
balance. don't juggle.

i grinned at myself.

oh yeah.
balance.
not juggle.
i dropped my hands back down.

so how do you balance?

and as i was tryin' to figure this out,
i lifted my face towards the sky.

i was under the trees at this point.

and i suddenly saw a river....

so ya gotta picture this in your mind...
look up....the sky is the river.
the tree branches are just stuff in the river.
there's tree branches on both sides of the road.
so you got a river of sky flowin thru the branches
on either shore.

got it?

i kept looking up.
look at that, i thought........

if life was like a river you'd be flowin' just fine
there.....but ohhh look there. you'd get caught
in those branches there.

no big deal. just kinda scoot out there and go
that way. okay....but what about here?
and right there i saw this huge tangle of branches....
very little river.

ohhhh yeah.
that's life right now.
yep.

it's just a huge tangle.
and that tangle is all the stuff i see around me.
it's just like that. tangled and thick and certainly
tough to travel thru.

but.
if you had to.
if you were headin' thru that river and you hit this
spot....well, you'd get creative-try to figure your
way thru...but the truth is...it may just boil down
to tedious pickin' your way thru.

but look!

once you're thru....there's a nice big patch of
tangle free sailing.....

and look at that.....it almost looks too easy.

i grinned.

balancing.
is it learning to float down the river?

maybe.

but maybe it doesn't mean every part has to be
easy and that the ease shows you're balanced.

maybe it means there's some easy, some hard,
some thick, some open. maybe that's the balance.

maybe it's looking at the whole river.

and i looked ahead at the sky in front of me.
it opened wide.

and an airplane was flying thru.

i smiled at it and watched it.....

above the trees....smoothly making its way thru.

oh no, ter.
don't fool yourself.

even when you fly, there's turbulence.

'soon you'll be flyin' i had told myself recently.

floating, flying, soaring, resting....
tangled, open, easy, hard....

balance.

i'll get there......