Thursday, August 13, 2009

not balance again?

i don't always get his shoulder to cry on.
yesterday, his shoulders were here, and it
all came out. and i cried and i cried and
i cried.

what a difference it makes to have someone
to lean on when you cry. it was exactly what
i needed.

i felt it. i noticed it. and i treasured it.

when i was first separated, i did a whole lot
of crying all alone....wishin' for some strong
arms and a shoulder to make salty.

then when those strong arms and shoulders came
into my life, but weren't around so much....
i learned to cry on my own and not wish for
anything when i cried.

it doesn't matter tho, if we allow ourselves
to wish for something or not....
we still need it.

i could see the difference in me last nite....
being held, being cared for.

we all need it.
but we all don't get it.
or we get it a little bit, but not enough.
or we get it and then it's gone.
or we have a situation where we should have it,
but it doesn't work anymore....
there's a thousand ways that it doesn't quite work

we all need it.
and we rarely ever get it totally the way we want.

what do we do with that???
with a need so important? a need so basic and real?
the need to be held and cared for and loved....

we learn to cope.
we learn inner strength.

do we learn to close tho?

that'd be the drawback...that'd be the glitch.
that'd be what to watch out for, i think...

learning to close when our basic needs aren't met.

we can't do that.
cause then it's even harder to meet those needs when the
chance comes along....

i don't know.
it all just got me thinking last nite....

so many things to make us close.
so many things to stay open for.....

could it be that balance stuff again???

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