what will you do with your day?

someone once told me i had a whole panel of
beings 'out there' helping me and rootin'
me on.

i love that visual.
i like the idea of some unknown help.
and a 'panel' kinda thing tickles my
imagination.

this morning i could see the whole panel
doin' the high five and the knuckle bump thing.
'by joe! she finally saw it!'

all in front of me for several weeks now,
i have watched other people make what i feel
are bad decisions. i watch and wonder and try
to step out of the need to fix.

this morning, after yet another such encounter,
i realized that there was a message in here for me.
there were too many times i've noticed it.
this has got to be about me somehow.

as i walked i thought 'it's all choices. everything
is a choice.' and then it hit me.

what are MY choices?
which choices am i making that someone outside
of me would shake their head and say 'woe, what's
she makin' that choice for?!'

there's great positive that comes in my life from
this searching. there's also a really hard part
to handle. it means really looking honestly and
having to hold the choices that weren't the ones
you wish you had chosen.

that was tough. that is tough.
i looked at that a bit, felt the sadness from that,
but kept moving. instead of feeling a ton of
regret, i want to turn it into fuel to really live.

right now, this morning, your whole day lies in
front of you. what choices will you make, ter?

i could see the choices i make from habit.
choices that aren't what i really want.

and i looked hard at myself.

it's choices, ter.
choices for them.
choices for you.

you can only work on your own.

what will you do with your day?