the art of it all....

the past few years it keeps dawning on me how
EVERYTHING is an art.

i learned this at my first drag race when i
realized all that was an art.

up til then i thought it was just a lot of
silly men wanting to go vroooom.

while i know that's still a part of it all,
i also know those silly men are brilliant with
what they do and there's an art to it all.
they stun me with their love of the art and
their knowledge.

my eyes have been opening ever since to art
being everywhere.

this morning i'm sitting here thinking about
the art of relationships.

because while a lot of relationship stuff is
natural....a lot of it is learning and applying
that...and workin' with it in different ways.

it's an art for sure.

it's an interesting art as it ties directly into
the art of life. they go hand in hand.

one totally affects the other.
the way you paint in one area, is the way you
paint in the other.

we talked a bit yesterday.
and i'm a little concerned for him.
'i just want it all to be okay' i said to him.

true to the person i love so much, his reply was
'it's not gonna be okay.'

that's just one reason i love him.
he'll admit that.

'yeah, i know.' i said back.

and so where do i paint the big brush strokes
in our relationship? where do i try to say
things that are bold and in his face? and where
do i just sketch light little lines and use
them to make some sorta vague shapes?

where do i step back and leave that place blank
to fill up itself with the flowing watercolors
that i can't control?

which moods do i allow to color the canvas?
the love and joy? or the frustration and concern?

how do you balance all the moods and leave room
for others to come in?

yesterday i saw the art of it all.

i think for me, it took losing an 18 year marriage
to really understand that there definitely was an
art to it all. and to see that i really had a lot
to learn.

i want to paint the canvas beautiful this time around.
and i'm seein' that it's more than holdin' a brush.
that it takes so much more than just bein' there.

i've got a lot to learn.
and i think how you live has a lot to do with how
you love.