resentment

i told her of the resentment i've been
feeling. told her it's not my style,
i'm not comfortable with it...but i've
got a huge case of it.

i think what i've mostly been doin' with
it is being surprised by it. being
surprised that it's so big and that it
hasn't just left on its own yet.

i certainly hadn't thought of using it
or appreciating it.

she mentioned fear to me. and how you
don't want to live with fear...but it helps
serve as a warning sign and definitely has
a purpose.

i immediately thought of anger.
i had a lot of it during my break up and
it was strange for me. but i read that you
could use it as a tool. not to live a life
with anger (just like the fear she mentioned)
but that it has a purpose. and that you can
actually use it to work for you.

i learned a little bit about using something
without hanging on to it.

hmmmmmm.......

she pointed out how resentment shoots off
warning signs of someone overstepping boundaries
and such...

oh yeah. i nodded as i read.

i think i have gotten way way better at watching
what's goin' on inside of me.
that's what i had been doing with this.
watching it....and puzzled that it was lasting
so long and not leaving....

but what i seem to forget over and over again
is that what i'm feeling really is okay!
i've been told by friends it's normal, human,
and anyone would feel it.

oh yeah.
okay.

so i think what i got from our exchange is that
i not only need to accept my feelings at a
deeper level than i do...i need to recognize
the value of them. all of them......
and then......i can even work with them.

that seems like that should just be the natural
state of humans. we should automatically know
this......

i am forever forgetting.....
thank goodness i have friends that remind me!
thanks, tina....